somewhere out here.....

well, i was reading my friend, ambers blog today and made me think.. (http://ambersilverstar.blogspot.com/)... amber is my only real friend in colorado. and i have decided to always always be honest with amber because if i live in fantasy world all the time then i will become this unhealthy problem. we gotta enough people out there that i don't need to be another one and i really don't want to be. i think amber and i are good for each other in so many ways. haha. anyhow, yesterday while camera shopping we were talking about being happy and how you judge your own happiness. and it was hard for me cause i am happy about 73% of the time. about 10% of the time i am annoyed and the rest i wonder why am i here? Amber and my friend sarah get to hear more negativity than positiveness from me cause i have chosen not to be open about the fact that colorado and my job sucks somedays. i get annoyed by people being all power happy or defiant acting.i know that everyone knows that life is not this great wonderful thing and you are happy 101% of the time. but to me happiness is a choice you make. i chose to be happy most of the time. :) So, i have learned that i have to phsically take a break from -where i am. i mean there is many weekends i am home by my self but, i mean it's like living at work. i don't know i gotta find that balance. i may spend the rest o fmy life trying to do I mean actually leave my house with a suitcase and go nowhere that i might encounter the 5 people i live with. I do it as often as i can. it always makes me feel refreshed and ready for another 6-8 weeks. I haven't been "away" since i went to arkansas in January and I can feel it taking a toll on my attitude. I have considered just going to denver and getting a hotel for a night and being totallly away for 24 hours. Though, i have a full life up head. Sarah is coming from arknasas and then i am going to chicago to visit friends. so, i keep thinking just one more week. wait it out. but, i am too the point to where i know i need the get away. is there way to make that better???? does anyone even began to understand what i am saying?

so, amber and i changed my background for my blog cause i stole hers. haha. she has this kickbutt drawing board and she can write funny things and do really cool stuff. she wrote a message to everyone on my blog using her art board. hope you enjoy it.

well, i hope this wasn't depressing for ya.. it was just my random thoughts running through my brain on this wednesday...

love-